Garden Psalm

God sat with me in a garden today. With a slight nip in the air, the sun working hard to warm the new day, I took my new book of poetry and went for a walk.  I found myself in a churchyard where off to the side was a small prayer garden. It looked inviting in the glow of morning.  I sat upon a bench and read a few poems aloud to the birds and squirrels - and perhaps some puzzled neighbors wondering what crazy fool was reading poetry out loud on a busy Tuesday morning.

"Around me the trees stir in their leaves and call out, 'Stay awhile."
The light flows from their branches.


And they call again, "It's simple," they say,
"and you too have come 
into the world to do this, to go easy, to be filled
with light, and to shine."
                (When I Am Among the Trees by Mary Oliver)

I stop reading and gaze at a flowering tree. I really should learn the names of these beautiful things. I am struck at how the tree is a visual metaphor - some flowers are only buds, not yet given birth. Some were open, red, beautiful and mature - glorious. Others were brown and giving way to death. It made me sad. Remembering I was also here to deal with grief and loss.

But then the words of the poem came to me..."and you too have come into the world to do this, to go easy, to be filled with light and to shine."  As I thought about the dark and shadowy world of sorrow my eyes traveled around the little garden and I saw that even in the shadows, there were beautiful things growing.  And there, out of the darkness of a deep mound of mulch and wood chips, sprouts were forcing their way into the light.  I looked again at the glorious, red flowering tree and beneath it I notice a lush carpet of red petals that litter the ground. A royal carpet. It will now turn to fertile soil and thus will bloom again.  There is even beauty in death. I am no longer sad.

Thirst

There are those occasions when God seems determined to show off a little bit (Thank you God for those occasions) and today was one of those days. I am beginning a 5 day spiritual journey today. I am not at all ashamed to say it is because I feel almost used up, with little left to give. I have no shame in this because I know we've all been there. I do have guilt, however, that I have let myself get there again.  So, I have gone into retreat.  Today I thought about how once was between me and God - of how I spoke to him almost constantly, I sought him in all things - and I remembered the times God spoke back - so powerfully that it would almost drop me to my knees.  That hasn't happened to me in a while...until today.

It is no surprise that I am in this place, in part, because of the grief I carry over recent losses in my life. So this journey of tears is needed on many levels.  But, I digress - back to God the show off...

So, today someone suggests that because of my love of nature and the glory of God's created world, I should check out the works of poet Mary Oliver. So being the totally obedient person I am (ok, I really just realized I needed all the help I could get) I went out later to purchase a book of her work.  The problem was, I failed to take with me the paper with her name on it - so I arrive at this huge bookstore and all I know is I'm looking for a book about poetry written by some woman.  Yeah, good luck telling the Info Desk about this query.  So I decide to just forget it and get something else to read.  But no, God is not letting this go. I feel the old familiar tugging on my sleeve that the Holy Spirit once used frequently on me and so...well, long story short - I was led to the exact author I was looking for - AND - as I wondered how will I pick which of her 8 books to purchase, God said - "This one" and there it was - the smallest, almost hidden from view, with a one word title - "Thirst"

I laughed, which drew strange looks from the college student a few shelves away. Ok God, I'm listening. I pick up the book and sit down in the aisle to read a while...only I didn't make it half-way through the first poem before the tears started again.  This was what God wanted me to find.  I am now settled into my hotel room with my book of poems - I've been reading it for about an hour - and I still haven't left the first poem...it has become my prayer...it reads in part...

"Messenger"
My work is loving the world...


Are my boots old? Is my coat torn?
Am I no longer young, and still not half-perfect?
let me keep my mind on what matters,
which is my work,
which is mostly standing still and learning to be astonished.

Tears fall again, I have forgotten how to stand still and be astonished - I have forsaken my work.
Thank you God for reminding me...I am astonished all over again.

Time for Contemplation

My best friend L. and I love to spend time together, however we are very busy women and our time together is few and far between. When we do get together we are often so tired that we are caught laying around on the sofa's with our eyes closed, talking a bit and napping a bit.  When our family comes in and asks what we are doing we just say "Contemplating."

There is something to be said about just kicking back and relaxing. Just close your eyes and let your mind drift off to a direction of its own choosing. I love that "in between" moment - just between sleep and alert where your mind is most unhindered. I've received some great sermon inspirations in that time. I've solved problems, located lost memories, and have a few conversations with God in those moments.

My Lenten journey this year was meant to be 40 days of contemplation - each day spent seeking God in the quiet and intentional moments I would set aside.  It was great in theory but days like today remind me that sometimes contemplation has to be done on the run. Sometimes life comes as us too fast and we may have to work a little harder to contemplate God in the noise and chaos - but he is still there.

So, even though I ran hard today let me tell you what a saw...
1. I woke up in a warm bed, next to the man I know God sent just for me!

2. I woke up my youngest daughter, and she smiled. She is healthy, happy, fun, and sweet natured. And she loves God.

3. My daughter away at college texted me a few times throughout the day. I feel blessed that she wants to share little details of her day with me. She too is happy, healthy, fun and sweet natured. And she loves God. She goes to church even without us there to make her :)

4. I officiated a funeral today of one of God's saints. I thought it would be a sorrowful burden - but God brought such a sense of rejoicing and celebration that even as the tears rolled, so did the laughter and stories and good memories.  God's assurance of resurrection was more real at that moment than I've felt in a while.

5. Today the sun was warm, the sky was blue and I didn't have to worry about earthquakes, food, radiation poisoning, etc. - but my Japanese brothers and sisters do, so I stopped what I was doing and I prayed. I felt God's pain at the suffering of the world.

6. I got home, changed clothes and prepared to go on a date with my husband. We used a gift card someone had given us for a fancy meal. I was reminded of God's provision which comes upon us in the most unexpected ways.  We talked about our first 21 years together and dreamed about our next 21. I felt God's peace and assurance of our future.

7. On our way to dinner we did make one pit stop...Forsyth Hospital to welcome a new little one into the church family.  That felt like my gift and reward...to move from a funeral to a nursery, holding a newborn baby, so perfect and peaceful.  I am in awe at the glory of our God who brings new life.

hmm, 7 blessings - the biblical number for complete or total.  I feel totally and completely blessed.
I think I will go contemplate some more...good night.

"Look What We Did"

"Go from your country and your kindred and your father's house to the land that I will show you. I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you, and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing."               Genesis 12:1-2


Today my husband and I are celebrating 21 years of marriage. We were 24 when we got married so we've now spent almost half of our lives together. I admit it is a pretty amazing feeling. I have been reflecting on family a lot lately. It was actually something that my husband said at his father's funeral that nudged me to this introspective mood.  You see, my husband unexpectedly lost both his parents this year. First his father and then 7 weeks later, his mother.  It has really shaken our family. At his father's funeral, my husband stood and told something he had witnessed once at one of our family gatherings.  It was a moment when the entire family was crowded into the tiny kitchen, no doubt fighting for a piece of birthday cake.  My husband witnessed his father just standing back and taking in the chaotic scene: Two parents, three children, two children in-law,  six granddaughters and accompanying boyfriends or husbands, and, at the time, one great grandson mixing it up around a four seat table.  He suddenly got his wife's attention, smiled broadly and swept his arms open, gesturing to the scene before his as if to say, "Look at this! We did this!"  They smiled lovingly at one another and jumped back into the family fray.

That story has caused me to look for those moments in my own life and has surprisingly drawn me to God's call to Abram in Genesis. Abram is directed to leave his family home and begin a totally new life under God's command.  I remember something similar in my wedding vows...that we were to leave our fathers and mothers and cling to one another. But it is the second part of God's command that catches my heart right now..."I will bless you...so that your will be a blessing."

That moment in my in-law's kitchen was my father-in-law realizing he had been blessed to be a blessing. God had provided  for him in life and he had shared it with his children and they were sharing it with their children, and now they are beginning to have children of their own and they will share it with them.

It is easy to get caught up in thinking the wonderful blessing of family is a personal matter. We give thanks to God for it and we cherish it and enjoy it. But we also can't forget that God blesses his children SO THAT they will be a blessing to others.  The blessing of a healthy marriage will become a blessing to the children of that marriage. It will radiate outward to be a blessing to the in-laws who are welcomed into the family later. It will spread to blessing the neighbors, friends, co-workers and church goers of the couple first blessed.

We leave our fathers and mothers homes and we enter into marriage but we are not to be in this marriage alone, as Abram was not on his journey alone. We are to go forward in this marriage with God as our guide and companion. In obedience to God we submit our marriage to God and he will pour out blessing upon it - not for the sole benefit of the couple - but so that their witness will then bless others.

We celebrate 21 years of marriage today. Our daughters will all too soon be starting families and lives of their own. My blessings from this marriage are too numerous to count and I realize I am guilty of selfishly trying to keep all of them for myself - but Abrams story reminds me they are not mine to keep. They are mine to share. I can't wait to celebrate the next 21 years of marriage...to watch the number gathered around my table grow to a chaotic mass fighting over birthday cake...to look at my beloved and smile knowingly...look what we did...look what God did through us.

Somebody's Knocking at the Door

"Listen! I am standing at the door, knocking; if you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in to you and eat with you, and you with me."                       Revelation 3:20

There is nothing that irritates me more than to be locked out of my house.  I used to come home, arms full of groceries or whatever and unable to get my key in the lock. I would be outside the door struggling to get in while my family sat on the other side of the door, mesmerized by the T.V. and unwilling to get up and let me in.

The above verse from Revelation has been stuck in my head all day today as I have been contemplating Christ's church, my role as a pastor, and my place as a disciple. I am spending the season of Lent seeking transformation as a Christian. My desire is to do some "holy" remembering and return to the same passionate, high energy, on fire Christian I was when I first committed my life to Christ and when I first went into the ministry. I want to be hot!! In a strictly Christian sense of the word :)

I grew up with this verse being one that was required memorization for us. It was often used to teach us about salvation. Jesus is waiting, they would say. "He's knocking on the door of your heart, waiting for you to let him in." I remember being puzzled by it as a child. After all, if Jesus was a Holy Ghost then why did he have to knock - can't ghosts just walk through doors?  Ah, youth.

Now, here I am all grown up and pastor of my own congregation and I am thrown back to this verse all over again. In my youth it was a verse of great hope - because who didn't feel better knowing that Jesus wanted to live in my heart! But now, it is a verse that brings great anxiety to me. Imagine how startled I was the first time I learned that this verse was not about personal salvation at all - instead it is a kind of condemnation of the church!

In the opening chapters of Revelation, John is told to write his vision to the churches and in chapter 2 and 3 he speaks to them about their successes and failures as a church.  The last one is particularly scathing.  He declares the church to be lukewarm and desires to simply spit it out.  Not hard to imagine, we all know lukewarm water is distasteful.  Suddenly another image from my childhood passes before me. A picture that I believe both grandparents had in their homes of Jesus standing at the front door of a very English looking cottage, knocking.  But Revelation makes it clear - the house that Jesus has been shut out of and is desperately seeking to get back into is his own - the church!

I'm wondering if all of us as pastors should have an artist commissioned to come out and paint a picture of the churches we currently serve, with a special addition - Jesus, standing at our locked doors knocking, asking to come in.  With a heavy heart I realize that while I see some wonderful things in our churches I don't know of many who are hot and on fire for Jesus. I don't know of many church where every member is a passionate witness for God and where visitors are frequent and new members abound every week.  Too often I find churches that are lukewarm - not dead and cold yet, but just doing enough to get by and be called "church."

I fear that we have become so caught up in the institution of church and the "we've always done it this way" traditions of faith - that Jesus left the building and no one even noticed. In this season of Lent I hope we can all sit in our church and listen closely to what we hear.  Do we hear Jesus clearly inside the walls? Or can we hear only the distant tapping on the sanctuary door?

And will we sit there - mesmerized by whatever 'entertainment' is before us or will we get up and let him in?

What Time Is It?

6 So when they had come together, they asked him, "Lord, is this the time when you will restore the kingdom to Israel?" 7 He replied, "It is not for you to know the times or periods that the Father has set by his own authority. 8 But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth." Acts 1:6-8

Earthquakes, Tsunamis, Nuclear meltdowns, mass death: It always bring the same comment - "We are in the end times!" or "The end of the world is upon us." Suddenly, folks who haven't willingly cracked a bible in years are apocalyptic experts and want to quote Revelation and proclaim they know the end has come. We seem to forget that there have been mass deaths, earthquakes, tsunamis, and Nuclear meltdowns before. Of course, what is happening is frightening and perhaps even unprecedented in terms of natural disasters. But are we really to glean from it that we are living out the last days?

Interestingly, I have been leading a bible study on Revelation which some believe give us clues to the "end of times" but I am also studying the book of Acts to prepare for an upcoming sermon series. I am enjoying how the two books compliment one another so well.

As I began to read Acts today I was particularly struck by the passage I have printed above. Times really haven't changed much have they? Jesus' followers then, and now, are still begging to know what time it is. Is it time for Jesus to come? Is it time for the end of times? I am always amazed that folks spend so much time and energy trying to pinpoint the TIME of the event instead of contemplating the event itself - or even reading the sentence of scripture that comes after the query. Is it time? Jesus says, "It is not for you to know the times or periods..." Why is it when we hear this response we act like the unstoppable 3 year old asking his dad why the sky is blue. Why daddy? Because it is son. But why? Because God made it that way. But why?... You get the idea. We ask the question, Jesus gives a straight forward, reasonable answer and we just pretend we didn't hear it.

Not only do we ignore his answer - we don't bother to listen to his correction. What Jesus goes on to say is, you asked the wrong question. Our question shouldn't be "What time is it?" but instead, "What do I do with my time?"

Jesus is a great teacher, he tells us clearly enough. The power of the Holy Spirit has come upon you and you shall be my witnesses to the ends of the earth! Wow!! How exciting and what a great promise and mission for us Christians. We have all we need to provide acts and words of witness all over world! We have the power to be the hands and feet of Jesus - the teacher and training of disciples - the heart and soul of Christ's church for ALL people to the ends of the earth! But too many of us are still sitting in our pew staring at the clock..."What time is it again?"

The way I see it I'm not going to get any reward if I win the pool by predicting the end of the world. The reward I have been promised, (we all have been promised), is based upon how I love God and love my neighbor...in other words, the kind of witness I am. I have the power of the Holy Spirit upon me to make that happen - how can I fail? Evidently its easy enough - I just refuse to listen.

The Power of Love

" I am the Alpha and Omega," says the Lord God, who is and who was and who is to come, the Almighty." Revelation 1:8

I cannot seem to stop looking at the videos and still images of the horrific tsunami that has devastated the nation of Japan. I see images like the one above and really just cannot seem to get my mind wrapped around the power and might of nature. Yachts atop houses - cars left on top of a three story building - entire towns wiped of the map! It is just so surreal.

Last night I read Revelation 1:8 and found there a surprising comfort in the words; a comfort I haven't felt in quite a few days as I've watched this natural disaster unfold. As powerful as these waters were - there is one who is yet more powerful! God is the Alpha and Omega - the beginning and the end (and all that is between). God is ever present, steadfast and eternal - the All Mighty!

Wow, that says a lot when we have just witness the mighty power of nature! My heart is broken for these people and the journey that they are just beginning; a journey of rebuilding and going on with life amidst unbearable pain and loss. But I am reminded that our God is bigger than this disaster. God is more powerful than these raging waters.

God will be able to comfort and bring peace to those who mourn - God will be able to bring gratitude to those who have lost everything - God will be able to mend the broken hearts and renew the crushed spirits of these people! And that is a power greater than any destructive force around - it is the power of love, grace and mercy.

Precious God, may your grace and comfort fall in a mighty way upon the people of Japan. As new threats arise I pray for your power to overcome any more harm to those who have survived. May those who have lost every material thing be blessed with spiritual wealth. May those who have lost loved ones feel your peace and love as they grieve. May the leaders lean upon your guidance and submit to your will in handling this crisis. Strengthen the rescue workers and provide for them the comfort and compassion they will need to carry out the difficult task of recovery and rescue. May the shelters be safe havens of peace and health for those who suffer. And Merciful God - may the world take notice of this event and may we all learn from it better how to love our neighbor as ourself.

Amen