Song Birds and Lessons in Love

In the piedmont of North Carolina we had the pleasure of enjoying an actual spring this year. In the past few years it seems we went straight from winter to summer, 32 degrees one day and 98 degrees the next! But this year we enjoyed lazy afternoons in the backyard watching the many song birds dance the "twitterpated" dance of love we learned about in Bambi.  My favorite couple was a cardinal pair whose presence I enjoyed, for they sang to me as they courted one another...seemingly to include me as a  witness their love and attraction to one another.

We are now in to the heat of summer and I spend less time in the yard but I have noticed that only the male cardinal now keeps me company, his lover seems to have moved on, but Gabriel remains. I have named him this because I imagine that if I could speak the language of "Cardinal" I would understand he is bringing me tidings of great joy - proclamations of good news. And that reminds me of the angel Gabriel, who also came to bring good news and yet the news always started with "Do not be afraid."  Why would we ever be afraid of good news?  My husband says because every time Gabriel says this someone ends up pregnant, lol - true.  But perhaps there is a deeper truth too.

Gabriel's pronouncements are also about love, or more specifically, about the risky business of love.  When Gabriel calls us to sit and listen he is about to speak to the promise of God's love for us and the struggle for us to love God and one another unconditionally.

 "For God so loved the world that he send his Son..."  God certainly knew the risk involved in what he was about to do. There is always risk in giving our love away to another...will they return it? Will they cherish it? Will they abuse it? Will they deny it? Will they accept it unconditionally? Will they put stipulations on it? Will they misuse it? Mistreat it? Let it grow stale and unappealing?

In ministry I deal almost daily in the problems of love, or rather, the problems that occur when love is not realized as the wonderful gift it really is. I hear of parents who can't love unconditionally, of lovers who can't love faithfully, of children who can't love generously, of neighbors who can't love across the barriers of diversity. Why? Because they are afraid - what if I am disappointed? What if I am hurt? What if I am taken advantage of? What if I miss out on something better? What if...it all boils down to the fact that we no longer want to risk love...What if we would rather not love and keep our hearts "safe" by throwing up walls of protection and defense?

What if God had done the same?

Yes, love is risky - we may be hurt by someone else's brokenness and failure, we may have to open our minds to another way of thinking - but God calls us to do it anyway...because he did the same for us. We have no doubt failed him, cheated on him, misunderstood and mistreated him in many ways and yet he keeps reaching out, he keeps calling us back.

My lovely cardinal, Gabriel, is without his previous companion, yet there he sits right now, singing to me his song of invitation, "Do not be afraid, I bring you great news...of love."  God's love...perfect and never ending.

Thanks be to God.

Prison Break

"Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love, for his wonderful works to humankind. For he shatters the doors of bronze, and cuts in two the bars of iron."  (Psalm 107:15-16)

Several years ago the band Creed released a song which impacted my life in a great way. The song was "My Own Prison" and it speaks of the ways that we convict and lock ourself away in prisons of our own creation...."I cry out to God, seeking only his decision, Gabriel stands and confirms, I've created my own prison."  That song awakened something in me...the realization that my fears, insecurities, and feelings of unworthiness were the walls of a prison I had created.  I had tried to live up to the expectations I thought others had for me. I had the idea that I had to be in control or else I would be unhappy and dissatisfied with life. Yet, I also felt that I wasn't able to do any of those things well. So, I tried to hang back in the shadows. I didn't want to be noticed, I withdrew in many ways...and I was unhappy.

Surely Creed was correct. I had created these feelings that now trapped me. My insecurity had built the prison walls, seeking a secure place to be.  My fears had placed each bar in the window, seeking to keep danger at bay. My feelings of unworthiness had latched a heavy door to the cell, seeking to lock me away so others wouldn't notice how inadequate I was.  It was a great revelation that Creed allowed me and once I had identified the bricks and bars that were between me and freedom - I set out to dismantle each one. I was determined to make a great prison break!

Years when by and while I enjoyed some new freedom and greater confidence - I never seemed to stray far from my prison.  The walls, the bars, the doors were still there - I simply opened the door occasionally and stepped out...after all, I had designed and created this prison so escape was not that difficult. But eventually, I would find myself retreating back to the security of my cell...my own prison.

This week I headed back to prison. I was full of self-doubt, struggling with my worth and afraid of what others would think of me. Thank God, my husband and a few friends blocked the cell door and refused to let me enter. They encouraged me, pushed me, pulled me, and stood by me...especially God.  On the day of my great challenge I grabbed my bible and prayed - God, give me a word for this moment. And I opened my bible and it fell to Psalm 107..."for he shatters the doors of bronze, and cuts in two the bars of iron."

In that moment I realize where I have made my error all these years of trying to break out of my prison! I was trying to break out of my prison...I...I had been trying to do it on my own. The Psalm reminds me that it is God who liberates me, who makes me free, who gives me my sense of worth, my courage, and my security.  I don't have to claw and dig my own way out - God is there to break me out, if I will just give everything over to him and let him take charge.

Whatever prison you have built - a prison of grief, suffering, hurt, insecurity - God is ready to break you free.  Psalm 107 says to those who are wandering in the desert, lost and lonely, hungry and thirsty - God will free you and fill you with all goodness. For those in the darkness and misery of chains - God will free you. For those who are sick and need healing - God will deliver you. For those who have fear and distress - God has a calming and safe refuge for you.  "He turns a desert into pools of water, a parched land into springs of water...he raises up the needy out of distress...let those who are wise give heed to these things, and consider the steadfast love of the Lord."

Consider the steadfast love of the Lord. In His love we find our worth, our security, our purpose. And it is in His love that we will draw our first real breaths of the fresh air of freedom.

Consider the steadfast love of the Lord for yourself.

Tears from Heaven

This morning, some of the followers of Jesus gathered along a busy roadway. Around a cross we gathered and heard again the passion story.  As the story reached its conclusion...as Jesus breathed his last...the first of a few gentle rain drops fell.  As the cross was hoisted upon the shoulders of the followers, the others fell into a somber and silent line. Slowly, we began to walk down the street - following the cross. The gentle tears from heaven fell softly upon our faces.

This scene never ceases to move me to tears. Even on those Good Friday's when the sun is shining and the day is warm, I feel the goosebumps and chill of pain as we take this journey. Today the sun is hidden and the air is chill with rain drops falling gently and sporadically upon us as we walk. It is a journey I have taken in three different towns over the past 16 years, but this year feels different.

In the past I have been moved by the pain Jesus must have felt, the humility, the defeat, the rejection... the heartbreak.  But today the pain of this walk took on a new meaning for me. Perhaps it comes from having shed so many of my own tears of grief this year but suddenly I realized that pain isn't just about suffering...it is also about love.

There is no doubt that when Jesus carried the cross to his death he felt all those things I had imagined before (pain, humility, defeat, and rejection), but...what made that walk possible was love.  If Jesus hadn't loved all the children of his Father, our God - he wouldn't have been on this journey at all.  As my own tears fell I thought about watching my own children grieve during their heavy losses this year. I remember hating so bad to see them hurt and yet finding comfort in knowing that their tears showed that my children knew how to love well - for only out of great love could separation hurt so bad.

As we neared the end of our journey the rain fell in a heavy downpour, as if the heavens couldn't hold it's grief any longer. In a pouring rain we bowed our heads and said a prayer.  My heart is full and my tears are no longer for sorrow - they are instead praise and thanksgiving for God's love.

The journey to the cross did have pain...but it was first and foremost a journey of love.

The Eye of the Storm

 All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness... (Psalm 25:10)

Several years ago I had the opportunity to fly to San Francisco for a long weekend. Up until that trip I had never flown before, I can't say I'm a big fan. But I will never forget the flight home for as long as I live. When we left San Francisco it was cold, rainy and foggy - yes, very surprising since near as I could tell from my one weekend there, it is usually...well...cold, rainy and foggy. As soon as we started taxiing down the runway I pulled my book out of my bag and started to read - there was nothing to see out the window but rain and fog.  But not very long into the flight the cabin was suddenly filled with a brilliant light. Startled from my book I looked out upon one of the most breathtaking sights I have ever seen.  A Brilliant blue sky above and below - the most incredible, white, fluffy mountain of clouds for as far as the eye could see. I was literally awe struck at this sight.  How could I forget that just because it is raining on the ground doesn't mean the foul weather extends all the way to the heavens - there is, after all, sunshine above the clouds.

Today I had a similar revelation while driving down the road.  We have severe storms all day and in between cells, I ran out to the store.  Suddenly I noticed up ahead a sunny spot in the road, when I looked up I saw that for just the briefest moment the clouds had parted and there was a beautiful round hole - past the dark rain clouds was visible a wall of white fluffy beauty and when you looked up further a gorgeous glimpse of blue sky. Then just as quickly as it developed, it was gone. 

Up until that moment I had been having a sad day...not a bad day, I just felt sad over a lot of things. But seeing that and being reminded of San Francisco awoke something in me.  It reminded me that no matter what is happening on the surface of my life - there is one thing that is sure and unchanging and that is God's love for me.  No matter how much rain may fall upon me, no matter the storms that come or the sadness and dreariness that mark some seasons - the light of Christ, the warmth of the Son, the love of God, the clearness of God's mercy and goodness are a constant.  I may not be able to see them, cloaked as they are behind a curtain of rain - but that doesn't mean they aren't there...they are always there.  I may have to wait out the storm, or travel a little higher and a little longer to find it...but it will always be there...waiting to warm me, nurture me, love me, welcome me, cheer me, forgive me, redeem me.

In the midst of the storm look for the eye, gaze upward and see that the perfect sunshine and beauty are still there...as is God.